How To Tell If Your Teacher Is A Creature (Or A Ghost Or A Vampire Or A Demon...) In Goosebumps Series 2000 #3: Creature Teacher, Paul Perez is sent off to a boarding school where the faculty is more than strict. Some staff members are actually deadly! Paul’s teacher, Mrs. Maaargh, has brown cow eyes, pale yellow skin, disgusting feet, and she slobbers all over her students! Before Paul knows it, he finds himself in a life-or-death situation. In order to survive, he has to make Mrs. Maaargh laugh. And its not just his final grade that’s at stake! Have you ever had a science teacher who gave you goosebumps? A history teacher who seemed to have first hand knowledge of the Civil War? Or a gym teacher that smelled even worse than the locker room? If so, you might have been the student of a Creature Teacher. Take the quiz below to find out whether your teacher is out of this world or not of this world. MULTIPLE CHOICE Goosebumps Series 2000 #3: Creature Teacher 1. Instead of taking attendance, your homeroom teacher a) makes you shout out your name, rank, and serial number. b) weighs you, feeds you a three-course breakfast, and tells you to "fatten up." c) files her nails. 2. You walk into science class to find a) strange animals are locked up in cages. b) your teacher is wearing his lab coat backwards. c) the assignment involves unicorn blood, bat eyelashes, and fairy dust. 3. Your Gym teacher greets the class by saying a) "BOO!" b) "Left--Left--Left, Right, Left!" c) "Nap time!" 4. When the Principal exits the bathroom he leaves behind a) the smell of old moth balls. b) a trail of green slime. c) an unpleasant surprise. 5. Your bus driver is a) reckless. b) deaf. c) invisible. 6. On the first day of school, your new math teacher a) teaches you the Pythagorean Theorem. b) gives you a pop quiz. c) gets shipped to class in a coffin. 7. The librarian walks by your locker mirror and a) demands a $3 late fee for an overdue book. b) puts on lipstick. c) has no reflection. 8. You’re sent to the school nurse with a bad paper cut. She a) gives you a Band-Aid. b) puts your bloody finger in her mouth and says, "Mmm. Lunch." c) sends you home. 9. Mrs. Yeti, your English teacher, looks a) tired. b) nicer than your French teacher. c) like the Abominable Snowman (uh...woman). 10. Instead of showing you how to create your own web site, your Computer teacher a) puts you in a trance. b) spends an hour in a chat room. c) tells you for the hundredth time how hard life was before the Internet. ANSWERS Now add up all the points to see if your teacher is a creature or just a creep! Less than 14 points--No Skeletons In Your Coat Closet! You lucked out! You may have a strange math teacher or a boring computer teacher, but overall you’re in an average, run-of-the-mill school. No need to worry about your teachers. You have an overactive imagination and should start concentrating on your homework instead of quizzes like these! Go! Now! Start studying! 14 to 21 points--Glad I’m Not You! Your teachers aren’t trying to eat you, but they may be trying to make your life miserable. You might have a former Army Sergeant for gym class or an unqualified bus driver, but at least they’re human! Buck up, little camper. Things might get better next year. In the mean time, go out and buy some apples. Human teachers love them! 22 to 30 points--Get Out Of There As Fast As You Can! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but YOU HAVE A CREATURE TEACHER! In fact, it looks like your school is filled with them. Where do you live? The Twilight Zone? It’s very possible that your school faculty is made up of monsters, vampires, witches, and/or ghosts. Unless you’re a Slayer or have some supernatural powers you haven’t shared with the rest of us--RUN! Get out of there quick! Beg for a transfer! But whatever you do, don’t get sent to the Principal’s office--especially not alone...