Grades
K - 12
7 Expert Tips to Help Students Experiencing Strong Emotions
Holistic social justice author, professor, and professional development provider, Michele Myers, Ph.D., shares proven strategies that teachers can use in the classroom to help students manage big emotions.
It’s inevitable that there will be times when you have a student who is frustrated or angry. Whether they express themselves in loud outbursts, obvious discomfort, or temper tantrums, there are effective ways to use early behavioral interventions to help your students feel calm, seen, and heard.
Emotions are complex psychological and physiological responses we have to the stimuli in our environment or our internal thoughts. They are part of our daily experiences and influence our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships with others. Each emotion serves a different purpose and arise in response to different situations.
Children, like adults, experience a wide range of emotions. They may experience happiness, joy, sadness, grief, fear, surprise, anger, or even rage. These are primary emotions that are universal across cultures and are believed to be innate and foundational to more complex emotions. And just like adults, children must be taught how to identify, understand, and manage their emotions effectively. This will enhance their overall social and emotional well-being and development.
On any given day, a child may display one or more big emotions such as shame, worry, frustration, anger, or rage. These emotions can manifest themselves in visible displays of behaviors such as defiance, temper tantrums, withdrawal, shutting down, or avoidance. This varies, depending on the child. We often tune into the display of the behaviors and not the emotion itself. To better support children when they are experiencing big emotions, we can do some of the following:
Identify the Emotion
Teach children to recognize and use language to name their emotions. Equipping them with sentence stems is helpful.
1. I feel _________.
2. I am__________.
3. I am not ________.
Identify the Causes or Triggers for Their Emotions
Teach children to recognize their triggers or how to identify what caused them to respond in a certain way. Help them to use language to identify those causes/triggers and to express their feelings to the people or about the situations that were the stimulus.
Here are a couple of sentence stems:
1. When you did __________, it made me feel _________.
2. I find that doing _______ makes me not feel____________.
Validate Their Emotions
Oftentimes, we send messages to children that it is not okay to get upset. When we do this, we are not supporting them to truly express their genuine feelings. This can result in children expressing shame when they have big feelings such as anger or rage. What we should do instead is validate their feelings and support them in calming down or managing those emotions effectively.
1. When _________ did ___________, it made you feel _________. What can we do to ensure that ________ knows how his/her actions affected you?
2. When _________ happened, I noticed you responded by____________. Tell me about it.
Talk and Listen
Building trusting relationships with children has numerous benefits. When you take time to communicate with children, you send the message that you value them, and they begin to accept that you are a safe person in their network of support that they can rely on. They find it easier to be vulnerable with you because they know you will not judge them but support them as needed. Here are some conversation starters you can open with when addressing an issue:
1. Tell me about it….
2. Let’s chat.
3. How are you feeling?
4. Tell me what’s going on with you?
5. How did that make you feel?
Space and Time
Sometimes the most supportive thing that you can do for a child is to give them space and time. They may need just a moment to experience the emotion and to self-regulate at a pace that is best for them. When this is the case, just walk away and tell them one of the following:
1. I see that you need a little time to collect yourself. Let me know when you are ready to talk.
2. I will be over here. Come over when you are ready.
Co-regulate
Sometimes, children need you to help them co-regulate. This may require you and the child sitting quietly together and taking deep breaths to calm down. Here are some things you can say in those moments:
1. Breath in. Hold…… Breathe Out.
2. Close your eyes. Hold your breath for five seconds. Release.
3. Breathe deeply…
Model Good Behaviors
Children learn from the models they see regularly. Model what you expect.
Learning to identify and manage emotions effectively is a complex process. Parents, teachers, and other caregivers have a critical role helping children with this process.
About the author: Michele Myers, Ph.D., is an Assistant Professor at Wake Forest University. As a holistic, social justice educator, Dr. Myers is committed to ensuring that all children receive a humanizing education that honors their histories, heritages, literacies, languages, cultures, family structures, and communities as assets for learning. Dr. Myers recently coauthored Revolutionary Love (Scholastic, 2022) with Kamania Wynter-Hoyt, Eliza Braden, Sanjuana Rodriguez, and Natasha Thornton.
To learn more about the themes covered above, check out Dr. Myers' book, The Educator's Guide to Building Child & Family Resilience, which she co-authored with Linda Mayes, M.D. a developmental pediatrician in the Yale School of Medicine.
Shop books about anger and frustration for your class below! You can find all books and activities at The Teacher Store.
$26.99$35.99
save to wishlistA teacher-educator and pediatrician team up to offer practical techniques that help students deal with the many life challenges they face. The authors show how to build resilience-promoting skills through quality children's literature, routines, and activities to create a classroom where all children thrive.
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistMarvin is very unhappy and it's all Molly's fault. She had no right to eat his apple. He saw it first. He was the one who kept jumping in the air, trying to pick it from the tree. He was the one waiting for it to drop because it was out of reach.
$6.71$8.95
save to wishlistAll kids have trouble getting a grip on their emotions sometimes, even young superheroes. What do superheroes do when they're sad, mad, frustrated, lonely, or afraid? What if they're having a bad day or don't get their way?
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistNot understanding why the bear is so cranky, the other animals come up with ways to cheer up the bear. Moose finds antlers for him, Lion gives him a mane, and Zebra paints on stripes. Is there anything the four well-meaning friends can do to help the bear sleep?
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistWhat's Little Critter to do when he can't get his way? He could pack up his toys and cookies and leave home for good. But will he? Or is a yes waiting for him just outside the door? Find out in this delightfully grumpy read.
$5.96$7.95
save to wishlistBrimming with humor, this sparkling new book handles a timeless children's topic with wit and wisdom. Romp and stomp! Roar and slam! Almost everyone gets angry. But how can young dinosaurs also learn to calm down, take a time out, and behave?
$5.24$6.99
save to wishlistUnicorn wants to write the most fabulous story in the world. He has a fancy notebook. A special fluffy pen. He has everything just perfect. But Unicorn has NO IDEA what to write! When his friends try to join in, will Unicorn turn into a ... GRUMPYCORN? A funny and feisty picture book celebrating teamwork, friendship and the joys of storytelling.
$7.49$9.99
save to wishlistDiscover a universally relatable story about one little cat who just wants to be MAD... at least for a little while! With gentle text and bold, vibrant illustrations, Barney Saltzberg encourages readers to "feel what they feel" and express their emotions, helping young ones develop key tools for social-emotional literacy.
$3.74$4.99
save to wishlist
$14.24$18.99
save to wishlistTold through creative language play, and with depth and whimsy, this picture book reminds readers of their own agency and the power they have to direct their own path. Marc Colagiovanni's lyrical text and Peter H. Reynolds's stunning art create an enduring message of strength and perseverance that is both universal and personal, and one that readers will be drawn to over and over again.
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistThis mindfulness book showcases the relaxing and calming technique of belly breathing, a tool everyone can use to improve concentration and relieve tension.
$4.49$5.99
save to wishlistBased on an episode from the Apple TV+ series, Stillwater. In A Perfect Fit, Addy and Michael are building a go-kart for the neighborhood race, and Karl is super excited to help. But with his siblings covering most of the work, he finds himself without much to do. Feeling left out, Karl makes his way to Stillwater's garden, where the wise panda helps him see there may be a perfect job for him after all.
$5.99$7.99
save to wishlistIn this Caldecott Honor-winning, head-on exploration of the causes of and solutions to anger, Sophie gets angry and runs out into the woods, where she climbs a tree to calm down, and is soon ready to come home to her loving family.
$5.21$6.95
save to wishlistThis fun-to-read follow-up to the popular Llama Llama Red Pajama finds Llama Llama and Mama heading to Shop-O-Rama, where shopping soon becomes a drama.
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistBird wakes up feeling grumpy. Too grumpy to eat or play - too grumpy even to fly. "Looks like I'm walking today," says Bird. He walks past Sheep, who offers to keep him company. He walks past Rabbit, who also could use a walk. Raccoon, Beaver, and Fox join in, too. Before he knows it, a little exercise and companionship help Bird shake his bad mood.
$5.96$7.95
save to wishlistRavi never minded being the smallest in his family. Until one day, his short arms can't reach the monkey bars, he can't find anyone during hide-and-seek, and he's too little to ride the big slide. Ravi is so mad that he can't control his temper anymore. He becomes a ferocious, roaring tiger!
Not all unicorns are rainbows and sunshine. Meet one unicorn that isn't a sparkly,magical creature. In fact,he's downright grouchy. Learn all about Grumpy Unicorn's least-favorite things like seasons (all of them),holidays (every single one),traveling (anywhere),and so much more! From party planning to looking tough,this grumpy guy will make you smile with all his frowning.
$14.24$18.99
save to wishlistKatie Honors is a really brave kid. She can go to bed with just one small night light. She can hold her tears in when it's time to say goodbye to her mom at school. But sometimes Katie isn't ready to say goodbye and doesn't feel brave at all. When this happens, she Kaplooms! She refuses to let go of her mom, and everything is flurried as she begins to cry. Her emotions feel frightening. It's not the Katie Honors she wants to be. But her mother assures Katie that she can be both brave and sad, brave and crying, brave and scared.
$4.46$5.95
save to wishlistEnjoy these very simple stories that teach hard-to-explain emotions, such as disappointment, that are so challenging for toddlers and preschoolers to control.
$3.71$4.95
save to wishlistAnger is a scary emotion for young children, their parents, and caregivers. As this little bunny experiences the things that make her angry, she also learns ways to deal with her anger- ways that won't hurt others.
$6.71$8.95
save to wishlistFeelings are a normal part of life for children as well as adults, believes author Janan Cain, who wanted kids both to understand the concept of emotions and be able to express their feelings with words. Her delightful The Way I Feel has drawn praise from parents, educators and medical professionals across the country. It's used at bedtime, when parents want to talk about what happened that day; in classrooms, when teachers want to talk about pride and disappointment; and with sick children who are suffering from fear and confusion as well as pain.
$4.49$5.99
save to wishlistPick a book. Grow a reader! With easy-to-read text, a short-story format, plenty of humor, and full-color artwork, these books will plant a love of reading!
$11.24$14.99
save to wishlistHelp young children build social-emotional skills with the Our Feelings bulletin board set. Twelve emotion cards feature real photos of children. The How I Feel Today spinner helps children identify their feelings. Also includes a poster to help children calm down when they feel upset.
Want more great content? Subscribe to our Teacher Newsletter below and get teaching ideas delivered right to your inbox.
